Anedotas de Jazz sobre flautistas (7)

FLUTE

How many classical flutists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but she'll pay $5,000 for a gold-plated ladder.

How do you get 5 flutes in tune?
Shoot 4 of them.

Definition of a flute: a sophisticated pea shooter with a range up to 500 yards, blown traversely to confuse the enemy.

How many flute players does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but he'll spend 15 minutes screwing it in and out until he gets it just right.

What is the definition of a minor second?
Two flutes playing in unison.

How many flute players does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but she needs a sterling silver screwdriver with a gold-plated engraved handle.

What do you get when you mix a flute player and a fifth of scotch?
A pie-eyed piper.

How many concert band flute players does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They ask their boyfriends to do it for them.

How many flute players does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but he'll break 10 bulbs before he realizes they can't be pushed in.

What key is the alto flute pitched in?
G------I really don't care, either!!

Two musicians are walking down the street. One asks the other, "who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?"
The other replies, "that was no piccolo, that was my fife!"

What's the difference between a flutist and a seamstress?
A seamstress tucks up frills and a flutist f---s up trills.

How do you tune two piccolos?
You shoot them both.

What do you call a good flute section?
Impossible.

How do you define perfect pitch on a piccolo?
When you toss it in the toilet and it doesn't hit the rim

I was once a piccolo player in an orchestra that travelled around
Europe. First we went to England and played for the Queen. She said
"Simply marvelous!! Fill their instruments with gold!" So they filled
the tuba with gold and the trombone with gold and damnit.....I play
piccolo. So then we played for the King of France and he declared
"Formidable!! Fill their instruments with silver!!" So they filled the
tuba with silver and the trombone with silver and damnit.....I play
piccolo. Finally we played for the Czar of Russia. He interrupted
right in the middle and shouted "They are TERRIBLE!! Shove their
instruments up their behinds!!!" And the tuba wouldn't fit, and the
trombone wouldn't fit.......and damnit.....I play piccolo.....

How can you tell if a plane is full of flute players?
When the engines stop, the whining continues.