20 de maio de 2004

Anedotas com Jazz! (1)

Umas com menos outras com mais swing, aqui ficam algumas anedotas em que o jazz é personagem principal, para variar.


How does a jazz musician end up with a million dollars?
By starting out with two million dollars.

A jazz musician who won a million dollars on the national lottery is interviewed by a newspaper reporter.
Reporter: Congratulations on winning the first prize. By the way, what do you do for a living?
Musician: I'm a jazz musician.
Reporter: Now that you have a million dollars, what are you going to do with all that money?
Musician: I guess I'll carry on working until the money runs out.

Two attractive young ladies walking down a country lane are startled by a frog jumping out of the bushes on to the road. They are even more surprised when the frog assumes a theatrical pose and begins to speak:
Frog (in Shakespearean tones): O ye fair damsels, what ye see before ye is not really an ugly frog, but a jazz musician that was transformed into a frog by the evil spell of a wicked witch. But, if one of ye beautiful maidens is brave enough to kiss me, the evil spell will be broken, and I will be transformed back into a great jazz musician. For, before the witch's spell turned me into a slimy frog, I was the greatest jazz musician that ever lived!
For a moment the two young ladies are dumbfounded and stand staring at the frog in amazement. Suddenly, one of the girls quickly snatches up the frog and puts it in her pocket.
'Well, aren't you going to kiss it then?' asks her friend.
'Are you kidding?' says the first, 'A talking frog is worth a hell of a lot more than a jazz musician'.

St. Peter in Heaven is checking ID's. He asks a man, "What did you do on Earth?"
The man says, "I was a doctor."
St. Peter says, "Ok, go right through those pearly gates. Next! What did you
do on Earth?"
"I was a school teacher."
"Go right through those pearly gates. Next! And what did you do on Earth?"
"I was a musician."
"Go around the side, up the freight elevator, through the kitchen....."

What's the difference between a jazz musician and an extra large pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of four.

A patient goes to the doctor and complains that he has not been able to evacuate his bowels for over a month. The astonished doctor gives him some very strong laxative telling him to come back the next day.
The following day the patient returns saying that he took the medicine, but was still not been able to relieve himself. The doctor is amazed and takes him to the surgery toilet, where he gives him an injection of a very powerful laxative guaranteed to have an immediate effect. However, after half an hour of much straining on the toilet, the treatment fails to produce any result.
Doctor: This is unbelievable! Please come into my office, you obviously have a psychological problem. I shall have to ask you some questions: firstly, what do you do for a living?
Patient: I'm a jazz musician.
Doctor: Well, why didn't you say so in the first place!? (takes money out of his wallet) Here, go and get yourself something to eat!

What do you call a jazz musician without a girlfriend?

What is the difference between a jazz musician and an insurance policy?
An insurance policy eventually matures and makes money.

Two jazz musicians who haven't seen each other for some time meet late one night in a jazz club. 'Hey man,' says one, 'I hear you recorded a c.d.'
'Yeah, that's right man,' replies the other, 'It was released a few months ago.'
'How much did you sell?' asks the first.
'Oh, just the house and the car.'

A jazz musician goes to the doctor to hear the results of a physical check up.
Doctor: I'm afraid I've got some bad news. You only have three weeks to live.
Musician: On what?

There is a queue of souls waiting outside the Pearly Gates where St. Peter is busy explaining the new procedure for admission to Heaven.
'Times change and even Heaven must change with them.' explains St. Peter. 'Before entering new arrivals are now required to answer a questionnaire for the administrative records of our celestial computer bank.'
He turns to the first new arrival.
'Firstly, what was your annual income on earth?'
'350,000 dollars a year.' came the reply'
'Which profession were you in?'
'I was a bank manager.'
'Thank you,' says St. Peter, 'you may enter.'
The next soul approaches.
'What was your annual income?'
'100,000 dollars a year.'
'And your profession?'
'I was a doctor.'
'Thank you,' says St. Peter, 'you may enter.'
A third soul approaches the pearly gates.
'What was your annual income on earth?' enquires St. Peter.
'6,000 dollars a year,'
'So,' says St. Peter, 'which band did you play in?'

Whenever he found himself in financial distress a philosophical jazz musician would exclaim, "Money isn't a problem. LACK of money, that's a problem."

What do you say to a jazz musician with a steady job?
Two Big Macs and a large order of fries.

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